Monday, March 28, 2016

Nursing the Masculine Man

When connecting with others who are thinking of embarking on an ANR--or are simply curious about  it--I have discovered a lot of concern regarding emasculation, a terrible stigma that involves "seeing" your husband as "less of a man" simply because he suckles from the breast. One woman even questioned whether she would be able to see her husband in the same way, particularly since he has taken on the dominant role as "head of the household". I don't question or judge her feelings regarding this stigma, nor do I take offense at her concerns. I do believe, however, if you are experiencing these troubling thoughts, then an ANR is probably not for you.

I am married to an extremely masculine man; as a matter of fact, even S' job fits into the stereotypical "man mold". S is tall and strong, very motivated and career-oriented. He is a wonderful man, a fantastic husband, dedicated father, and excellent provider. In our home, and because of our personal spiritual and religious beliefs, I do consider him the head of our household. I rely on him for so much as my strength, life partner, and helpmate. For me, it seems so natural to allow him to take on that masculine role; when we married almost 15 years ago, I chose to be a stay at home wife and mother, a luxury that S afforded to me. Because of this, I see my role in our home as the caregiver. I cook and prepare brown bag lunches, I clean the house, do the laundry, tend to my flower beds and garden, and homeschool our children. Since it is my role to nurture, and because I take care of his other needs, nursing my husband seems to be a very natural part of our life together. Allowing him to feed from my breasts is just one more thing that I can provide for him, and when he is lying in my arms, our skin touching, our limbs entertained, I view him as a loving man who is enjoying my body in every way that he possibly can.

S is very comfortable with his masculinity; he was raised by good German people, but in a very austere environment where physical affection was not shown. When we first met, he was surprised by my love of hand-holding, back rubbing, hair stroking, and soft stolen kisses. I think he was even more surprised by himself--he soon realized how much he enjoyed my physical attention. We have always had a very affectionate relationship and it has extended to our children. I think his love of nursing began when he first watched me breastfeed our oldest son. He envied the bond, the closeness, and was amazed that I was able to nourish and sustain another human life.

It truly is empowering.

To nurse a masculine man, he must first be comfortable with his own masculinity. An ANR is not about "mommy issues"; it's about the strong bond of intimacy. Perhaps, while nursing, it's the one time that he doesn't HAVE to be strong. He can let his guard down, allow the weight of the world to slip from his shoulders,  and relax. There are no bills to pay, no hinges to tighten, no lawns to mow...there is nothing but his wife's skin, her scent, her willingness to love...and THAT is a beautiful thing...and a way for the man to rejuvenate and prepare for the next day when, during normal 9-5 hours, he is expected to be a "man's man". Archaic, perhaps, but a reality.

I have found that many people think of breast milk as "gross". I can't understand how nutrient-enriched milk from a woman's breasts can be viewed as nastier than a jug of homogenized milk pumped from a cow's rubbery udders. It's laughable, really, that someone can easily enjoy a farm animal's milk, but wince at the mete thought of sampling a woman's milk. This may stem from the fact that breasts have become sexually objectified; people don't seem to remember that breasts, although lovely to look at, have always been intended to sustain human life. When my third child was born, I had an abundance of milk; not only did the baby nurse, I was able to express and stock pile my supply. As a matter of fact, I had so much milk that I gave it to my older children in their cups. S even put some in his morning coffee!

S is viewed as very masculine in his work place, which employs an all-male work force, and one of his co-workers recently became the father of a breastfed baby. Shop talk ensued, and S learned that his co-worker is adverse to breast milk; he doesn't mind that baby is fed "from the tap", but he steers clear of it. The fact that his wife is nursing has impeded rather than enhanced their sex life. This talk allowed S the opportunity to offer his opinion on breast milk; he told his co-workers that he loved the taste, that he enjoyed watching our children nurse, and reactions to this varied from curiosity to revulsion; he was teasingly accused of being "freaky" and "kinky".  S took the ribbing in stride, even taking the opportunity to defend his opinion on breast milk. The stories, particularly the ones in which his co-workers come to him and broach the subject of "boob juice", make me wonder how many of them really have a secret desire to sample the goods or nurse, but are too insecure to admit it. If this is the case, it's such a shame; the male species should never limit or deny themselves pleasure based on societal stigma or the fear of emasculation. For me, there is nothing sexier than a
man who knows himself, his desires, and indulges in them without fear or shame.

The ANR is a very personal journey, and as comfortable as S and I are with it, it is still a very private part of our married life, one that is not meant to be shared with others. It is much different than adult breastfeeding and role play; for us, it is not a fetish or something that is done merely for pleasure. It is an intimate bonding experience that has brought my husband and I closer. I never thought I could be
more in love with S than I was before, but I am. He is my masculine man.

A revised version of this article appears at

1 comment:

  1. Awesome... My fiancee a US Marine is very much a man's man too! And when I first approached him about us establishing an ANR within our marriage his first reaction was "Breastmilk is for Babies!" He was not interested at all, even though he loves my breasts. However, with a little education he is now keen for us to privately share and show our love for each other through ANR. I am looking forward to the bonding. Thanks for sharing your very personal journey with us. I enjoy reading your blog, please keep sharing.