Monday, March 28, 2016

Inducing Lactation: Intimacy vs. Milk

If you have ever read up on the subject of Adult Nursing Relationships, I'm sure you will find that loving couples worldwide agree that the journey is about the INTIMACY not the milk. There are non-lactating women--and their partners--who enjoy an ANR as much as their lactating counterparts do. When it comes to lactation in an ANR, the decision to produce milk is a very personal one, and sometimes as private as the journey itself. All women are unique, and there can be a multitude of reasons as to why a woman chooses NOT to lactate. Although I plan to post more in-depth on techniques to induce lactation, this particular entry focuses more on the intimacy versus milk issue.

And here is a typical question regarding such a personal decision: "Why would you bother to nurse your husband if he isn't drinking anything anyway?" To this, we in an ANR can answer with the standby reply: "Because it is about intimacy, NOT milk." And this is true.

 In a previous post, I wrote that I have both dry and wet nursed my husband, S. We enjoyed both aspects of our ANR, but the truth is, S REALLY loves breast milk. He loves the taste, the temperature  and texture, and adores the breasts that it flows from. And because it brings him so much pleasure, and because I don't mind the slight inconvenience that comes with lactation, we have decided to induce. I breastfed all three of our children until each of them were 2 years old, so I am familiar with the tingling let-down reflex, the leakage, the fullness, nursing pads and pumps. Breastfeeding was a very big commitment; my boobs were made available upon demand, and I even became so adept at nursing that I was able to breastfeed while vacuuming! Aside from the benefits of natural antibodies, vitamins, and nutrients fed to my children through my milk, we shared a beautiful bond that can never be broken--or understood unless you have held a suckling baby to your bare breast.

This was the bond that S hoped to share with me, and why we chose to enjoy a beautiful ANR.

Sex, particularly the casual sort, will NEVER offer the intimacy that nursing provides. There is a misconception about nudity, breasts, and sex in our society; intimacy is a lost art form, replaced by the mechanics of loveless intercourse. Nursing seems to get caught up in the melee of a society that sells boobs for erotic purposes, and it can be quite confusing, particularly when a baby is breastfed just before his father is fed from those same breasts.

This may be another reason that women choose NOT to lactate within the bounds of their ANR; the balance between sexuality and nurturing can be precarious. For me, breastfeeding my children AND their father was beautiful and intimate, but NEVER sexual. When I nurse S, it is done in a nurturing way, similar to feeding a child. It brings us closer, creating a bond of adoration and closeness that is difficult to explain, and when I am lactating and able to NOURISH as well as nurture, I am filled with a euphoric empowerment;  I have never felt so feminine, so accomplished as when I am nursing another person. And S is in awe of it.

In our ANR, we separate intimacy from sexuality, and this is our personal preference.  There have been times when a lovemaking session has followed an adult nursing, just as there were times when we made love after the children were fed, but neither was used as foreplay. After S has nursed, we take a moment to enjoy the effects of nurturing intimacy before we engage in sexual intimacy. If you have nursed a child, you will understand the separation. There is love and tenderness and closeness in a nursing session, but passion and fire in lovemaking. Breast play and nipple sucking as foreplay does not induce lactation as proper latching and suckling does during a nursing session.

I had considered the possibility of induced lactation in the past, but because of S' willingness to dry nurse, milk became less of a priority. Now, lactation is an option we have chosen to explore. The truth is, I am an over-achiever and I want to feed him so badly that the fear of "failing" to produce milk has threatened to rear its ugly head and bring stress into our lovely ANR. I refuse to allow this to happen. Although I am eager to produce milk, having S suckle from me is enough to sustain my need for intimacy. When I was pregnant, I produced milk (and a lot of it!) very early on; so much that I could express and "spray" throughout all trimesters. I produce an abundance of prolactin, which I hope proves useful now that I am open to lactation induction.

I have read that it is entirely possible for childless women to produce milk, and have heard that various herbs (such as fenugreek) are known to aid in lactation. At this point, I am relying on S and a set nursing schedule to induce my milk supply. Perhaps some of this is "mind over matter"; during S' nursing sessions, I envision my body producing milk for his nourishment, and I allow myself the opportunity to relax as he lies in my arms.

Enjoy your journey into your personal ANR, and luxuriate in the intimacy it brings!

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